In 2021, I wrote an essay about my dog Mumford titled “Mumford is my Guru .” Four years later, he continues to teach me how to live.
Two weekends ago, Mumford stopped eating and seemed a little off. Still outside in our yard playing and chasing his beloved bouncy balls, I didn’t think much of it. Maybe it was something he ate in the yard? He’s loves eating the spring dirt, arriving inside with his nose looking like he dunked it in milk chocolate.
After a full weekend of not eating, it was time to visit the vet. She examined him, took his temperature, felt around, and didn’t see or feel anything wrong. After some bloodwork, the test showed no Lyme or other more common possibilities, but his red blood cell count was low. She had him stay for an x-ray. She later called us and said to come back to discuss the results.
The x-ray revealed a tumor on his liver, but she recommended an ultrasound to get more precise information. We quickly called the vet hospital and drove straight there. On the way my husband said, “This could be nothing, it may be treatable.”, trying to allay my worst fears.
We got to the hospital, and they took him back for the ultrasound and led us to a private room. Others were receiving their results in the waiting room. I thought, “This isn’t good.” My husband looked at the brochures from Laps of Love, looked at me and voiced my thoughts, “Why did they bring us in here?” A few minutes later I got a call from the radiologist. “Mrs. Sullivan, I don’t think we need to do an ultrasound. I can see that the x-ray reveals an inoperable tumor on his liver that has spread to his lungs. I’m so sorry.”
I was gutted. This was news I didn’t prepare for. News you can’t prepare for. I expected a brief vet trip, medication, then we’d be on our way. My mind roared. I said thank you and quickly dialed my vet while running out of the hospital.
What now? I thought. How long does he have. What do we do? When will we know?
We started him on pain meds and new food. Surprisingly, he started eating again and even playing with his sibling Mabel. His expressive bat ears perky and upright again. His obsession with fetch returned for short periods of playtime.
He seemed okay. I was a wreck. I loved this dog to an unreasonable degree. His adorable face resembles the Disney character Stich from Disney’s Lilo and Stitch. At nine years old, his black coat now speckled with white. His once black face sporting a white goatee. He hates thunder and July 4th. I’m his certified Thunder Buddy, my job to wrap him in a blanket and hold him tight. He knows when someone is down and will curl up next to you, looking up with his big brown eyes, if he could talk he’d say “I know.”
After his diagnosis, I couldn’t stop thinking about what was to come. I cried myself to sleep the first night. The next day at any given moment I’d start crying. Just looking at his little black and gray body lying in his dog bed brought me to tears.
After a few days I snapped out of my disbelief. He is still here. I need to… Cherish the time we have left. Stop worrying about the future. Be present in the moment. All the things I constantly work on.
Last weekend was a roller coaster. He was feeling a lot of pain. I didn’t leave his side all weekend. I said to my husband, “We need a plan.” He replied whispering, “I know.” He’s as devastated as I am. If you ask my husband to see a photo of our kids, he’d have to search his phone. But ask for a picture of our dogs and instantly he’ll show you several.
After a long weekend, another visit to the vet, we changed his medication. He improved. Even feeling up to playing.
He doesn’t know he has cancer. It made me think of the movie, “The Farewell” based on a true story. A grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given three months to live. The family flew to China to visit but kept the prognosis a secret. She lived several more years not ever knowing she had cancer. There’s an old Chinese belief called chongxi, the belief that you can wash away a misfortune with joy. Does pure joy have the power to act as a panacea for any misfortune? I don’t know but it’s worth a try. It’s my plan with Mumford. Lots of cuddles, short walks with endless sniffs, Pup Cups from the ice cream shop, liver treats and his absolute favorite game, fetch.
I sometimes wonder if he thinks WE love fetch, so he plays it endlessly to make us happy. If you’re visiting our house, he’ll get you to play with him, inside or out. He wants everyone to be part of the fun.
Mumford is doing good as I’m writing this. Sometimes, when we’re just chilling on the couch, I almost forget that he is sick. We don’t know how much time we have left with our sweet boy. It could be days, weeks, or even months. Whatever time is left, we’ll enjoy this romping, silly, bat-eared, chubby-baby sitting (see photo below and you’ll get it), ball-obsessed, cuddly, gentle being.
Mumford continues to be my guru.
Living in the now,
I’m in tears. I know you are giving Mumford his best life. He’s so lucky to have such a loving family. May you have many more happy days of fetch. He knows how much you love it.
I’m in tears. I know you are giving Mumford his best life. He’s so lucky to have such a loving family. May you have many more happy days of fetch. He knows how much you love it.
View lessAww, thank you Diane. We’ve all been through it. The only downside of having a pet. I remember when you went through it when we were neighbors. XOXO
Aww, thank you Diane. We’ve all been through it. The only downside of having a pet. I remember when you went through it when we were neighbors. XOXO
View less