The other night my husband and I were watching Jeopardy together and during a commercial he told me I stank. Well not quite that blunt. He worked up to it with, don’t take this the wrong way and better coming from me than someone else. Granted of all the things that could possibly come after the lines don’t take this the wrong way, having braced myself this was pretty mild. Still I was dismayed. I immediately went up to the bathroom and inspected the possible places and orifices from which said stink could have emanated. I don’t think my sense of smell is what it used to be and to be fair per my husband I was dealing with more of a whiff than a full -on olfactory assault. My inspection resulted in the conclusion that stinky socks were the culprit. At least that is what I went with , as this offense had come up before.To be honest I don’t change my socks as often as I should mainly because if I am lucky enough to find two socks that match I tend to stick with that pair apparently for too long.
So that was that. The next morning after a particularly long shower I sat down, did my morning puzzles and checked in on Facebook. A male friend from high school and I have an ongoing battle royale on politics. It’s good natured and keeps the mind crisp. I then typically spend some time scrolling. I love all the videos with babies and dogs and lately there are tons of pics of gorillas with their gorilla babies or gorillas playing with human children. Gentle giants they are. Note to self- go to the zoo this summer.
And then there are the Facebook ads for all manner of products. I will admit I have been a sucker. The veggie slicer from China never arrived. Then there was the Made in the USA eggshell remover. I was drawn to that because I have never found the perfect technique for the perfect hardboiled egg de-shelling. I’ve tried all the tips, so don’t even start. I had to buy a 4 pack but I figured I’d share them with similarly challenged friends. Big surprise a total bust. At $9.99 I should have known better.
Today I am getting ads for a bar of soap. Not just any soap. There were several testimonial videos, one with a nurse who worked in a nursing home and was complaining about the old person smell. She changed jobs and started working in a new facility that had bars of orange soap and voila, no offensive emanations. Apparently this is a scientific thing, the breakdown of fatty acids on the skin that increases as we age and gives off an odor. So two things, how did the internet know I was dealing with a stink issue. I swear I had never seen these soap pitches before today and I didn’t start googling until after I saw these ads. Very creepy. And secondly, for the love of all that is holy, is this something I have to think about now? Old Person Smell? Besides, sciatica, a bum toe, restless leg syndrome and creaky knees? It gets worse- one can’t smell it on one’s self and it’s impervious to regular soap and water. Great.
So I checked the reviews and AI re OPS (old person smell) and apparently the secret ingredient to this miracle soap cure is persimmons. So you know where this is going. I ordered a few bars of this magic orange soap. I probably should have ordered a life time supply, I’m not taking any chances, not now or later or later later. If have to go into that good night, I won’t go gently and by God I’m going in, if not smelling fresh like a daisy at least like a persimmon.
Be well and be kind.
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